Great critique from AB. Main things that she thought that I'll focus on are making B more consistently icky, clarifying why Q keeps trying w/ K, bring back the police (merits a whole new scene, I think), plus some more minor time, character, role tags.
From the margins: marked the first few pages "perfecto!" Liked/got of the passing jokes, caught some junk DNA, lots of smiley faces, "so Austin!", "oooo" "ah," some stars, "!", "go horns," "ha!", "cool," "could be taken literally," "sorry, I don't get it," "oops," "wow! this is a surprise! good good," "or that still loved her," "yuck!", "oooo la la," "gross," "creepy," "yuck-o-rama," "yikes!," "oh, yea," also wants me to cut those (I thought) clever lines closing the author's note.
Much of it is just clarification of stuff that's in my head but not on the page. This is the hardest thing for me, trying to write tight and keep it moving and tell the reader everything he/she needs to know which is so obvious to me after having written the whole thing in the first place, revised, revised, revised...
Plan: one more draft, bring new cops scene to group, polish, and let G read.
